i don't want

I want to have something to write about but it seems that every time I tried thinking of a subject, my mind betrays me in a way that makes me not want to write anymore about anthing or anyone. That stirs up wafts of melancholy billowing in my inner self (who am I anyway?). There are also times when I feel alienated by everything and everyone. Something sucks today is such a lame word to put it. Everything sucks is more apt. I feel like a robot, driven by an abstract force that looks through the eyes and hides in solitude inside this complex composition of organs, flesh, circuits of nerves intertwined, blood that is composed of blood cells pumped in the center of the nervous system. I want to see myself. Not the sheer image that forms in the face of the mirror everytime I gaze at it absent-mindedly, examining every feature of my countenance. Isn't the eyes mirrors our soul? I don't know. I am confused and abused by these facts, by these imformations, by these propagandas, conspiracies and whatever you call them that proclaims that everthing has a counterpart, has an opposite, everything is relative, and all relative things that makes things different and dual. I have even thought about a different world that is opposite to what we know, and yet it makes no sense. When will humanity end? How did we know that the sun will stay billion of years ago? Questions that are not answered echoes inside the bottomless pit of curiosity. I am just waiting for science and technology to stab our backs. Technology is advancing. Technology will leave us falling and will be gone without a trace, just like what happened to Laika, the spacedog.